


Caught In Your Web

by EtchJetty



Series: Etch's Sketches - A One-Shot Collection [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Parahumans Series - Wildbow, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 08:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtchJetty/pseuds/EtchJetty
Summary: In which Ronald Weasley is a captive audience for fanfiction's newest author, MissionSword.





	Caught In Your Web

**Author's Note:**

> This mistake brought to you by the combined efforts of me and a few others. 
> 
> Thank you to BeaconHill, spider expert extraordinaire. 
> 
> Thank you to babagaia for endorsing this at gunpoint.
> 
> And to OperationArrow? I'm sorry.

Ron was trapped. He knew it and the hungry looking acromantula feet away knew it. Unfortunately, Harry, Hermione, and Dumbledore  _didn’t_  know it, which meant he wouldn’t be  _un-_ trapped anytime soon.  
  
As Ron watched the acromantula, he held his breath as a smaller spider began to lower itself in front of him. Rather than keep watching, he closed his eyes, imagining the acromantula just inches away from him, its sharp jaws ripping his throat out while the poison-tipped fangs make him barely aware of the danger.  
  
It was only a matter of time.  
  
Ron could hardly stand the anticipation, but it was better than seeing death ahead of him. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter.  
  
…  
  
Ron opened his eyes, just a tad, but instead of the mass of legs and teeth standing over him with a knife and fork, the acromantula was on the opposite side of the room, tidying up some fallen webs with the help of a group of fallen spiders. There was what seemed to be a pile of webs surrounding something in the center of the nest, but Ron couldn't make out what was in it.  
  
Ron tried to take the opportunity to reach for his wand, but his wrist was firmly attached to the rest of the cocoon. He muttered under his breath.  
  
The giant spider on the other side of the room perked up at the sound of Ron’s voice, and scuttled over to him. “How are you settling in?” it asked, in its raspy, inhuman voice. Ron whimpered, just a little.  
  
“I!” squeaked Ron. He took a breath, which was really quite difficult when a man-eating spider was inches away from him. “I’m alright, I guess?”  
  
“Oh, wonderful,” said the spider, and it turned around to the mass of webs Ron had noticed earlier. “And you?”  
  
Ron heard a grunted “ _Mmmph!_ ” from where the acromantula was. There was someone else in here with him?  
  
_A girl_ , realized Ron.  _There was a girl trapped in here with him_.  
  
“I hope that means ‘I’m doing fine,’ because if it doesn’t, well,” the acromantula chuckled, “that’d be so  _awkward_ , you know? Alright.” The spider scuttled over to a bookshelf that Ron hadn’t noticed, giving Ron line of sight to the girl. She had long, curly black hair, and glasses, and was completely covered from the nose down in a thick layer of spider silk.  
  
Ron knew he had to do something. So long as the spider was distracted, he might be able to form a plan. He'd need the girl to cooperate, though.  
  
“Hey,” he whispered. The girl didn’t seem to notice. She was focused on glaring daggers at the acromantula’s back. Somehow she seemed more enraged than terrified.  
  
“ _Hey_ ,” he whispered, more forcefully this time. She whipped her head to look at him. She didn’t seem happy with his presence, either.  
  
“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” he asked. Slowly, the girl nodded.  
  
“What can you do?” asked Ron. But the girl didn’t answer. Instead, she glanced upwards. Ron followed her gaze and immediately regretted it.  
  
On the ceiling of the nest, thousands of smaller spiders were moving, crawling around.  _They were forming something_ , realized Ron. The spiders slowly got into the shape of the words “THIS IS WHAT I CAN DO.”  
  
Ron slowly looked back down, fear and disbelief warring within him.  _Actually_ , a part of him decided,  _let’s not save this girl. She’s scary._  And before he could argue against it the spider turned around.  
  
“Aha!” said the acromantula. “I have my favorite story here. It’s something I wrote, but I think you’re going to like it.”  
  
The girl was blocked from his sight again. Ron reluctantly looked up, but the ceiling was clear again, somehow. He didn’t want to think about where the spiders went.  
  
He had to stall for time.  
  
“Wh-what’s the book called?” asked Ron, as politely as he could.  
  
“I mean, it’s not called  _My Immortal_ , if that’s what you were worried about,” said the spider. He turned around and scuttled closer to Ron, holding the book closer. Ron could see the title, but he had to squint to actually make it out.  
  
“MissionSword’s  _Caught In Your Web_?”  
  
The spider shifted one of its back legs and scratched its abdomen sheepishly. “I recently set up a IRC account, and I go by MissionSword on there. I know people don’t really... read... fanfiction, so I couldn’t post it on the IRC, but I thought you might like it. I mean, as much as a human reads fanfiction.”  
  
Ron blinked. “You kidnapped me, tied me against a wall, and restrained that girl behind you, all to read us fanfiction?”  
  
The spider stared at Ron unblinkingly, and Ron briefly wondered if spiders even blink before shuddering. Then it shrugged. “Yeah, that’s what I kidnapped you for. It’s really hard to get a consistent audience.”  
  
Ron turned that sentence over in his head for a bit. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do. Then he realized something. “What about the girl?”  
  
The spider turned around. “Her? Oh, that’s Taylor Hebert.”  
  
This answered none of Ron’s questions.  
  
The acromantula continued, “I kidnapped her because I need an excuse to post this under the Parahumans tag. If you’re the only one here, then it’s exclusively meta Harry Potter humor, and that doesn’t really fly on IRC.”  
  
For a moment, this made sense to Ron. Then he shook his head. “Wait, you’re writing  _this_  up to share? As in, us meeting and you reading to me?”  
  
The spider shrugged. “Well, yeah. Didn’t you notice my biographer in the corner?”  
  
I waved to Ron and the acromantula, and went back to writing.  
  
Ron stared for a moment, then shook his head.  
  
“I mean, you have to maximize tags when you’re posting,” continued the acromantula. “That’s why this is also technically a bandfic.”  
  
“Bandfic?” asked Ron.  
  
“Well, I say technically, because it really is a technicality,” said the spider, “but I killed twenty-one aircraft captains before I kidnapped you.”  
  
Ron understood now.  
  
“You’re completely bloody mental,” said Ron.  
  
The spider shook its head. “Not mental,” it said. “I’m just ahead of my time.”  
  
The acromantula opened the book, flipping to the first page. Sixteen smaller spiders landed on its face, each holding one end of a monocle. Ron tried not to cry.  
  
“Now, let’s begin. [I'd left a tomato plant on one of the countertops in the kitchen--](https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/babagaias-pilot-episodes.701482/#post-52572148)”  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Confused? This is basically the ultimate evolution of a running gag on the Cauldron Discord. OperationArrow wrote a fic called Caught In Your Web (it's really good), then Pita wrote a fic callled Caught In Your Web (haven't read it yet), frustratedFreeboota made one (NSFW), T0PH4T made one (cute Taylor/Dennis shipfic), babagaia made one (no comment), and finally I made this one. 
> 
> The Twenty One Pilots joke at the end is at the expense of an IRL friend of mine. Love you. 
> 
> Also, is this my first completed Harry Potter work? Technically? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
